It's Time
by letsbefwb
Summary: One-shot. Post 3x10. Mainly Lauren's perspective (Bo in her head) Any mistakes are of my own (was not really beta-ed)


The exhaustion from the events of the day finally caught up to her as her feet buckled while trudging up the stairs to her bedroom. In a nutshell, she had her heart ripped out of her by none other than herself and she had had the most comforting conversation that one could possibly have with someone whom she thought was a rival to Bo's affections. Lauren could not even bring herself to take a shower; she was completely, utterly drained. Yet as she curl herself up as small as possible, her heart still ache as if she had a gaping, bleeding wound and someone had been kind enough to put a band-aid over it but yet someone had also ripped out the band-aid repeatedly. The more Lauren thought about what she had said to Bo, the more difficulty she had, getting air in and out of her lungs. As a doctor, Lauren knew she was beginning to have a panic attack and that she needed to calm down. But even as she took deep calculated breaths to calm down, she knew that no amount of breaths that she took would calm the raging turmoil in her head and the raw ache that was left in place of her heart. Lauren let off a bitter chuckle as she mused if she might even have a heart left in her pericardium. After all, she gave all that she had to Bo. Lauren might as well have placed her heart on a silver platter and serve it up to Bo. Yet even so, Lauren knew she would have repeated her actions in a heartbeat and would never regret anything.

Afterall, Bo was everything and more to her.

Lauren never thought she would have found someone like Bo, much less someone like her, existed and wanted her. She had no doubt that Bo loved her with all her heart and would do anything to protect her and showed that she cared deeply. When she told Bo she needed a break, it was the hardest thing for her to have ever done. It broke her seeing the expression on Bo's face, and knowing she was the one who put it there. But yet, she couldn't, she couldn't take back what she had said. She could not just take back the words that had left her and said it was a mistake. Lauren knew she could not afford to be selfish.

Post dawning, Bo was happy. In fact, Lauren knew how invigorated Bo was when she stated she wanted to live, that she wanted to be happy, that she wanted to travel the world, to go to egypt and that she wanted to do all that with her. But, she could not pretend that the notions that Bo had of them together was enough for her, because at the moment it wasn't. Lauren thought she could push the gnawing feeling, everything that had happened with the Garuda, with Nadia and everything Fae to the back of her head, that she could just compartmentalize everything and it would be sufficient, that it would be enough for her to just be with Bo. Yet after how recent events had transpired, the weariness had just grew and added on to the insurmountable burden that she had been trying so very hard to shoulder and carry on till now.

As Lauren hugged the pillow closer to her and inhaled, the torrent of emotions still raging inside of her along with the tirade of thoughts in her head, she caught Bo's scent, it smelt of coconut and some other tropical fragrance and she could not help letting her mind wonder, of how Bo had initially detest anything that smelt or taste remotely of coconut, and she had somehow managed to convince Bo otherwise of the many redeeming qualities that the coconut fruit had with her geek speak this one time. With a huge heaving sob, Lauren wondered if she could ever get over Bo, she recalled her conversation with Dyson earlier at the Dal, when she told him that she and Bo were on a break and they had sat together at the Dal, an unlikely pair to be seen together but yet that one instance, they had a comforting camaraderie. Who would have thought that Bo would be the one to have brought them together? She had thought that Dyson would be the one who would come between her and Bo but no, she knew now that no one could have screw up their relationship more than herself. It was a downward spiral of self blame, Lauren knew that but she could not help herself.

It was her fault that she did not trust Bo during the faux Kenzi incident.

It was her fault that she was so relenting around Bo.

It was her fault that she could not allow her insecurities to show; that she did not know how to be in a relationship with Bo.

It was her fault always relying on her science, trusting her petri dishes more; rather than the woman with whom she was in love with.

It was her fault that with her inadequacies, she thought she would still be enough for Bo

And eventually, everything got to be too much; so much that it is literally suffocating and she had to hurt Bo once again, letting her walk out of that door, allowing Bo to think that it was her fault that she wasn't happy.

Being in her current curled up position, Lauren's body was starting to feel the ache and pain from the earlier beating that she had gotten. But how she wish this hurt would replace the persistent hurt in her heart. She wondered if the cliche phrase that "Time heals all wounds" would it be applicable? But the more she thought about it, the more she knew deep down, that it was impossible. For her, Bo was IT.

Even if..

She is impetuous

She is stubborn

She is bitchy

She is overly protective

She is possessive

But, for all her flaws

She is also brave

She is also noble-hearted

She is also loyal

She is also loving

She was also self-sacrificing to the ones she love

For that, Lauren knew she could not hold on to Bo, she could not bring herself to hold her back from experiencing the happiness and the life she deserves, she could not be self-centered in allowing and expecting Bo to wait for her while she is losing herself to the weariness and trying to muddle through and search for her way out.

So it's time, it's time that she stops fighting everything that was against the both of them. She was letting Bo go and that would be for the best and she would keep telling herself that. Lauren knew she was a sinker and she was the sinker whom Bo had tied a rope to. Unbeknownst to Bo, she was already sinking and drowning but Bo had already gone to the surface and if they were to continue being "tied" to each other, it would only serve to pull Bo down along with her to drown, and Lauren did not want that for her. So she had to cut the rope. She would not get over Bo, she never could. She would always be the human who fell madly in love with a succubus and she would live with that and with knowing that one day Bo would find someone who could make her happy and be everything and enough for her.

And Bo would be happy and safe and live the life with the picket fence, dogs and kids, and that part of Bo's life did not include her in it.


End file.
